How to Stop the Hunting Tradition

Hunting is an archaic activity that does nothing other than give its participants an excuse to bear arms and hurt nature’s creatures. Stopping these senseless traditions is as easy as exposing these people as the brutal, animal hating, gun toting rednecks they are. How do we do this?

  1. Start Small – Before trying to destroy hunting in a large country like the United States which is deep with outdoor traditions, start with a smaller country such as the United Kingdom. Using the Scientific Method, establish it as your control and try out a number of ideas you feel can lead to outlawing the barbaric outdoor lifestyle. Start by seeking the outran ban of a very specific species of animal that people are sympathetic to. In the case of the UK, for example, you can use the medieval class system and how it ties to oppression as a great reason to ban fox hunting. If that doesn’t work, throw in the fact the foxes will die in a brutal manner because of the use of dogs since, as we all know, mother nature is the most humane of all killers…not people nor pets.
  2. Divide and Conquer – This concept is nothing new. Take a large group such as outdoors enthusiasts and divide them into increasingly smaller groups. Start by dividing them into hunting and trapping camps. Then move on to dividing hunting into deer hunters, turkey hunters and the like. Then do your best to turn those groups against one another by suggesting whitetail deer are much more of a challenge to hunt than turkey. Encourage the proliferation of region and species specific online communities. In this manner, mis-information they give about us so-called “antis” will be limited to those communities. Be sure to perpetuate the stereotype that hunting is an activity for only the manliest of white, anglo-saxon protestants. The last thing we need is the additional contention that women, blacks and Mexicans could bring to the table.
  3. Turn Them into Monsters – It’ll be much easier to outlaw outdoor activities if the participants are looked upon negatively by the general public. The best part of this is you can often profit off of this activity by making things like stickers of the Confederate Flag, bullet holes or of phrases like “if it’s brown it’s down”. Then make sure others take note during hunting season as these hillbillies sport the elk or deer they shoot uncovered in the back of their pick-up or trailer. After that, find a few sensational idiots in the outdoor community such as felons and poachers and create as much publicity around their situations as possible. When that doesn’t work, hit the public with obscure facts or outright fabrications of so-called “scientific evidence” that clearly show that hunting does nothing to curb wildlife populations and even exposes those populations to hard hitting diseases that could decimate their already “managed” populations.
  4. Find Sympathetic Businesses and Organizations – When the above doesn’t work, get a few so-called “non-profits” who can fight these barbarians using public donations. If you can, do some clever things like get companies that provide common, everyday products like dog food to donate part of their revenues to those same non-profits. Outdoorsmen are pretty dumb and won’t dig deep enough to find out that the product they just bought is actually working against them. These non-profits also bring the added benefit of having Washington D.C. lobbyists at their disposal. These groups are great at working the political circuit and the art of the amendment. That’s right, our lobbyist friends have found crafty ways to attach anti-hunting legislation to bills that have nothing to do with hunting or the outdoors! While all that is going on, we need to point out at every chance we get that our non-profit partners and leaders in business are responsible for the massive turn around in game populations throughout the country. Hunters will lie and suggest the government – through hunting and fishing licenses – are responsible which, of course, is a lie.
  5. Hit Hollywood Hard – Let’s face it, there is no denying the influence that Hollywood and celebrity actors have on the general public. Many of these same celebrity actors tote around their pets and even dress them up like real people. Find the biggest names in Hollywood you can to take up our cause and publicly humiliate these neanderthals. Don’t forget, these same celebrities have deep pockets and relationships with influential people such as judges and politicians. If Hollywood can get Obama elected, damn it, they can help us outlaw hunting!
  6. Outlaw Their Tools – Fact is these bozo’s can’t kill or harm an animal if we take away the very tools they depend on. First try hitting them where it hurts most by taking away their guns. If you can’t ban firearms outright, first try to outlaw automatic weapons. Turn it into an issue of public safety deflecting the issue of hunting. Be sure to point to the escalating crime in your area as a reason to get rid of these radical firearms. Once you get automatic guns outlawed, just start climbing the ladder to handguns, shotguns and rifles. While you work on the firearms bans be creative and consider trying to obtain the outright ban of ammunition. Maybe even sue a firearms or ammunition manufacturer for the death of some pour soul in some big city…it doesn’t matter that hunting wasn’t involved.
  7. Give Them Something Else To Do – If all of the above fails, one thing we have in our hip pocket is that hunting is on the decline. We need to continue pushing distractions such as mobile phones, the Internet and gaming devices like the Wii and Playstation 3. Fact is, kids would rather text, update their Facebook status, or play computer games against each other. This is our Plan B. These hunting fools are too stupid to realize how drastic the decline in hunting licenses are and the positive effect it will have for us moving forward.